Emasculating The Twi Guys
by myspace.girl
Summary: different scenarios involving the emasculization of emmett, edward,jake,mike,sam,jasper,and carlisle. if not emasculization of them,then hurting thier feelings, or making them hurt mentally.
1. Petsmart is the CHEESE!

YAY! Lets all emasculate and hurt the Twi- Guys ( but mainly Edward)' feelings and make them feel bad!!!!!!!

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as Bella sat down on the couch in the Cullen's living room, Edward and Emmett came in with a big bag from petsmart.

" What are those, you guys" Bella asked, even though she wasn't sure if she wanted to know.

" Presents....heheheee" Emmett answered. "For WHO?" Bella asked. "For JAKEY CAKES" Edward said, pulling out a hot pink hounds-tooth collar and leash set. The collar had a huge pimped out dog bone charm dangling from it. It was made of hot pink rhinestones. On it, the words: 'Name: Jake E. Cakes. If found, cal 1-800-SEXYBEAST ( 1-800-739-923278) and we will give the location where you can drop our much-loved mutt off at.' were engraved on it. Obviously, it was a HUGE tag. "And that's not it" Emmett said as he dumped the entire contents of the Petsmart bag onto the ground. There was a leopard print bed bigger than Emmett's biceps and triceps TOGETHER **( THAT"S HUGE :D XD)**, seventeen squeaky toys, and twelve bags of dog food. " That's enough food for two month's worth of sleepovers at the still unbroken house right there, Bella. We were going to ask Nessie to give it to him for Christmas.

" No, ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!!!!!" Bella Shouted. " I want to give it to him!!!".

" Fine, ruin our daughters fun, Bella" Edward said.

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**a/n: next chapter coming soon!!! also, if youve ever listened to the song " A praise chorus" by Jimmy Eat World, then I have a question. In the line "Things are never gonna be the way you 's it gonna get you acting serious?" doesn't it sound like he's saying "Things are never gonna be the way you 's it gonna get you acting siwwayy, yeah.?instead? ( siwway is like silly or sill-ay ) randr plezles**


	2. Alice Cullen A Shorty with POWER!

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Alice came down the stairs carrying about seventy home videos. She walked straight out of the doors to the house and into Bella and Edward's house. Bella was on the bed, and she was watching a giant TV while fingering a white scrap of linen. It looked like it used to be a pillow case. " Hey Bella! Remember when you told us about taking ballet and always being in the back during the recitals? Well, I bet you wished you knew Edward back then!" she said, scaring the living daylights out of the vampire who thought she was alone. " How do you mean, Alice?" Bella asked. A mischievous smile spread across Alice face. She scootched Bella over and put the home videos down and started searching for one. " this is Edward about ten years ago. It was his four hundredth show, I think." she said. "show?

" Bella asked cautiously." just watch! " Alice said while popping the video in the old VCR Bella had brought from her house. The screen went black and Claire de Lune by Debussy started playing. Then a spotlight lit up the screen and there stood Edward, in black tuxedo pants and a white undershirt. That's when he started dancing. " omigoshedwarddoesballet?" Bella said without breathing until she was done talking. "did. He quit shortly after meeting you . He thought you would stop thinking of him as a sex god of masculinity if you knew. Even though I only thought you thought of him as a GREEK god, not a SEX god... " Alice said snickering" " he thought I thought him a sex god? Can you say EGO?" Bella

shouted. Alice quickly turned of the tv and shoved the other videos under the bed. "He's coming!" she hiss

ed. " I'm home love, what have you been up to?" he called from the front room. "Oh, nothing , but I do have a question..." bella said calmly. " yes , love?" Edward said as he walked into the bedroom. "how come you never told me you could do a triple pirouette like you do? Was it because you didn't want me to stop thinking that you were a sex god of masculinity? " oh shit! I'm in for it now" Edward said. "I'll be leaving now" Alice said sweetly and bolted out the door while bella tackled Edward and started to scream and punch and claw at her love. " now the house might really break" bella heard emmett shout from outside the house.

An :: okay I HAD to put that last line in there. I love all of those jokes about breaking things during DOT DOT DOT heeeheeee mamma mia!!!!!! I LOVE that show and movie. You will probably hear a lot of those kind of jokes throughout my stories. Till next time, bye and happy holidays!! 3


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